How to Make Friends Outside of My Cohort by Maurice Krzyzanowski

How to Make Friends Outside of My Cohort

Written by Maurice Krzyzanowski

Summer Orientation Peer Advisor 

PhD student, Chemical Engineering

Warsaw, Poland

For many of us, beginning our studies at the University of Michigan marks not just a new academic chapter but also the beginning of adult life. After all, the first few months will be spent adjusting to independent, adult living, which can be pretty stressful. We also will have to think about our future careers even more seriously, and many of us will seek out valuable internships and networking opportunities, while some of us might also still be exploring different career paths. And, please, don’t let me get started on navigating the complexities of immigration—first with the F-1 visa, then potentially the H-1B work visa, or the employment-based green cards down the line. Entwined in all of this, it's easy to find oneself lost and forget that being here isn’t just about careers but also about making friends and having fun.

Even though I made great friends in my cohort, I wanted to meet people from completely different paths of life or people who are studying completely different things than me. I wanted to make friends outside of my cohort, which is how it was for me when I was an undergraduate student, and I found it somewhat underwhelming. I felt that I was missing out on something, that I was constraining myself. I wanted to change that when I came to U-M and make a conscious effort to expand my social circle. However, despite meeting wonderful people during various events that are happening at the university, I struggled with actually forming meaningful friendships. I often found myself just having a small talk that didn’t lead anywhere, while I wanted someone with whom I could meet for a coffee and unwind or go on a road trip or go to a bar on a Friday night. The answer as to why so many encounters remain on a superficial level is actually pretty simple—time.

It is impossible to form any friendship in a room with 30+ people when the event is an hour long. However, there is a solution to this, and it lies in a common interest that you have with other people. Maybe you like playing a sport like tennis or ultimate frisbee, or maybe you simply enjoy some arts and crafts? Many more clubs exist for these kinds of activities. This also includes tabletop gaming or role-playing or painting, or whatever you can think of pretty much. Unlike large, one-off events, these hobby-based meetups happen regularly and give you time to interact more naturally, making it easier to form real friendships over time. A great place to look at the various clubs and organizations is Maize Pages, which is a website with all the UofM student organizations. You can also check out various student organizations and talk with members during the Festifall, which is the University of Michigan’s annual student organization fair held at the start of the fall semester. For groups outside of the university, I recommend the Meetup website, which is an organization/meeting search engine. Of course, not everything will be listed there, so don’t hesitate to just google whatever your interest is along with “Ann Arbor,” and you should be able to find something that will interest you and where you will be able to find new friends.