How To Make Small Talk

You are attending a school event, and all around you is an unfamiliar crowd. The official activities have not yet begun, but folks in the crowd are sharing smiles, small laughter, slightly exaggerated gestures, and subtle nods. What do you do? You could bury your head in your phone, but you do not want to come off as aloof, disconnected, or rude. All of a sudden, a vaguely familiar face starts to walk towards you with a smile. You suddenly recognize them. You had shared a short conversation during orientation week. “Hi there!”, they say. And with those words, you realize it’s time to make small talk, but how do you do it?  “Small talk” is an immensely cultural activity, but you do not need to know a million cultural references to engage in small talk in the US. Here are a few general tips. 

1. Quickly find commonalities: 

The easiest way to do this is to draw up the experience you are sharing with your conversation partner in that moment. For example, in the scenario I describe above, after exchanging pleasantries, you could easily comment on the size of the crowd, the beauty (or lack thereof) of the decorations, the theme of the night, or something interesting that is happening or has happened in that room. 

2. Be engaged: 

While you may be a good listener, small talk requires you not to be a passive listener; show that you care about what your partner is saying by the movements of your body. So, nod, smile, cackle if warranted, and reasonably mirror the non-verbal cues your partner is sending. 

3. Be complimentary: 

Try not to do this excessively, or overly flatter. But compliments that show that you are noticing the other person are typically warmly received. For example, “oh my, your shoes match your dress so well,” or, “that is such a nice jacket,” are polite but powerful examples of compliments. In my experience, compliments are often most effective in the middle of a conversation. Passing compliments at this time signals that you have taken the time to notice and aren’t passing a routine and obligatory flatter at the beginning of a conversation. 

4. Be confident: 

It is possible that your English language skills aren’t perfect – this does not matter. If you make a grammar error, laugh it off, or simply correct it and move on. Your physical posture is important too. Always have a firm handshake, stand up straight, and try to relax. A timid vibe is easily communicated, but confidence shores up interest in what you have to say.

In conclusion, think of conversation as a ladder. Before you climb to the top, wherein you have deep, thoughtful, perhaps philosophical conversations, first you may need to talk about soft topics, and everyday things – this is small talk. So do not approach small talk with dread, but consider it as an avenue to deepen friendship, and ultimately expand your knowledge of the world and those around you. 

Written by Alfred Momodu

Summer Orientation Peer Advisor

Graduate Student

Nigeria